• Dr. Nelly De Ridder


Have you found yourself asking "why me?...oh no, not again?...I can't take it!

Some common reasons for questioning can be: loss of a loved one, loss of a job, illness, an automobile accident, a house fire or an unexpected bill.

When painful things happen, it can seem

insurmountable and we just want to escape.

Our desire to avoid pain and suffering can lead to the use of alcohol, drugs, over or under eating, withdrawal, acting out or any unhealthy behavior.

Although the last thing that we would think of is to accept the situation. Acceptance does not mean that you don't feel your emotions, that you like the situation, or that you do not want things to change. Acceptance means making the hard choice to spend or not spend time/energy on a situation; you have a choice. When you accept a situation you give yourself permission to really "look" at the situation. It allows you to let go of judgments and criticisms.

Change occurs when we recognize and see things as they are, without attempting to control, protest or resist. Real change is letting go of your attachment to your desired outcome. It is about accepting the situation and exploring your options in response to the situation. Sometimes the option is to simply accept the situation. Sometimes the best option is about flexibility. Without acceptance, we cannot move forward or heal.

If you find yourself using "shoulds" in your self talk then acceptance may be compromised.

A good resource, based on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, (Marsha Linehan, Phd, ABPP; developed DBT) , is DBTselfhelp.com.

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